It’s no longer new when we hear about teenagers disagreeing with their parents. There’s always a wall that divides them, a gap that separates them. When will they ever come to terms with each other?

There’s a television series called “Seventh Heaven” It’s a feel-good show about family matters. There are conflicts among family members in every episode ( otherwise there would be no story ), but in the end the family always finds its way to bridging whatever gap there is. From watching this program, I have come to the conclusion that conflicts are normal, especially when there’s teenager in the family, but that there are ways of resolving them. It takes courage to break the wall, but it is worth the effort.

Ask yourself: Have you tried your hardest before giving up and telling yourself that your family is your worst nightmare? If you haven’t, try these:

Communicate creatively

A communication gap seems to be a perennial problem between parents and children. It results from the lack of quality time on both sides because of work pressures. As a result, they seem like strangers living under one roof. Adolescents can’t seem to realize this because they are at a stage when they need somebody, especially their parents, to pay attention to them (KSP, right?), to talk to aside from their friends about more personal concerns.

Be creative when communicating with your parents. If they are at work and have no time for a one-on-one talk, try to write them a letter. You don’t have to be poetic; first tell your parents where you are and what’s on your mind. That way, you keep the line of communication open and your parents will trust you because you are open with them.

One thing: communication isn’t done only with words. There’s a saying that actions speak louder than words. A simple hug and a kiss will do. These gestures make parents feel important and loved and will come back to you tenfold.

The technology of today can help you as well. Make it a habit to call your parents, the way you call your boyfriend/girlfriend. Remember that if you need your parents to pay attention to you, you must make an effort to do the same to them. It is never painful nor scary but is a key to winning them over.

Accept and recognize

You have to realize that your parents are not the superheroes you used to admire. Accept that they are not perfect, that they have weaknesses. You can’t choose your parents, but you can choose to love and accept them. Learn to recognize their efforts for you. They have different ways of showing they care. Their dedication to their work could also mean I LOVE YOU. Sometimes you need to pause and reflect on the good things your parents have provided for you to feel that you are truly blessed.

Be positive

Sometimes you worry that your parents will hurt, reject and even condemn you whenever you try to approach them. Think positive: there are reasons why they react that way, especially when you do something that contradicts their values. They will certainly not lead you astray.

Speak you mind

As a member of the family, you have the right to speak your mind and express yourself. You can voice out your feelings toward the other family members. In turn, they can do something for you if they know your concerns. Let them know what you need right now.

You can do something to bridge the gap with your parents only when you realize that you have a part to play. It takes two to tango in relationship. Do your steps and the rest will follow.

CHANGE: Challenges to Adolescents of the New Generation, Volume 3. Foundation for Adolescent Development, Inc. Manila. July-September 1999