He is a ladies' man. He cannot do without women and they seem to fall like dominoes before him. Everybody smiles when they talk about his many "conquests." Everyone that is, except the trail of women with broken hearts.

We often trivialize the womanizer as a man who is happy-go-lucky as he knocks down a succession of women. What most people do not understand is that the womanizer suffers from a deep addiction. Sex addiction to be more precise. The sad truth is that the sex addict is a sad and lonely person who cannot truly love. He is a man who is powerless to control his sexual urges. He cannot remain faithful in a relationship because of his addiction. His addiction causes havoc in his marriage.

No woman is enough to satisfy him. He cannot commit in the true sense of the word. His idea of commitment is to say "I love you," but he does not mean it in the real sense because his addiction to sex makes it impossible for him to know the true meaning of love.

The sex addicts I have worked with all have one thing, among others, in common. They confuse sex and love. For them, sex is love and love is sex. They cannot conceive a love without sex. For them it's not possible to love a person without indulging in sex. You might ask why it is this way. Where does this thinking come from?

At least in the cases I have worked with, the roots of their sex addiction can be found in the early years of their lives. All of them were exposed to early sexual experiences. Sexual abuse is common in their histories. Early exposure to nudity and to improper touching is also common.

And while this was happening, there were no sexual boundaries, no limits set for them. Example, a little boy sleeps with a maid. She touches his genitals while she lets him touch her. This goes on for an extended period of time.

The child is affectionately seduced. He is not violently abused, but the abuse is done in a gradual, affectionate and loving manner. He grows liking the abuse and getting so used to it, that he looks for it elsewhere. Nobody tells him that what is happening is improper, not to mention immoral. He grows up believing that sex is love and the way to express love is through sexual activity. Before he grows into adulthood, he is already addicted to sex.

All of us are sexual beings. God created us this way, but the sex addict is ruled by the desire for sex. It becomes the centerpiece of his life. His values are subordinated to his need for sex. This is why one woman can never satisfy him. His addiction will dominate his life. Though he might seem to function well enough in society and even attain a great deal of success, still his sex addiction eats him up as he gives in to his compulsion to have sex.

Published in Today last November 24, 2003.